I’ve noticed that beginning writers make a lot of the same mistakes.  Here are a few things I’ve learned that may be helpful to you. Some of these might look obvious and easy. So does juggling, ice skating and hang gliding. They are not easy. Neither are the things on this list.

1. Keep sentences short and simple.
2. Don’t include anything that does not advance the story or help define the characters.
3. Be careful about characters addressing each other by name. People who know each other seldom do.
4. If you’re writing a story set in our time, keep the dialogue and description informal. If not, you will sound like a Victorian novel.
5. Don’t explain things when you don’t have to.
6. Don’t have characters tell each other things they know, or should know.
7. Explain statements when needed.
8. Don’t repeat dialogue and descriptions. Many beginning writers feel the need to tell the reader the same thing two or three times using different words. Give the reader credit for understanding you the first time.
9. Refer to Elements of Style by Strunk and White whenever you can.
10. Read the great French mystery writer, Georges Simenon, to see how simple sentences and a deliberately limited vocabulary can be used to tell very complicated stories.

Check out the new webcomic Tom’s Tiki Bar, written by me and drawn by Jason Chatfield.

&raquo www.tomstikibar.squarespace.com

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DON’T START WITH A PLOT, START WITH A CHARACTER.  A plot is a story that involves a lot action. A man steals a car and the police chase after him. That’s a plot. A man who is unhappy in his marriage is starting from character. A good question would be, is what makes a character? A character is a person with:

HISTORY, FEELINGS AND NEEDS.

HISTORY is what has happened in your character’s past. Let’s say your main characters is a man. He was dating a woman. She broke up with him. Then they got together again. That’s their history. You don’t necessarily have to tell your reader all of it, at least not immediately. But it helps for you to know it.

FEELINGS are how your characters feel about each other. Do they like, love, hate, fear, the other character(s)?

NEEDS are what your characters want. Such as, to stay together, to break up, to get revenge, to be noticed, to be appreciated. It could be anything they need.

MAKE IT PERSONAL. Whatever your character needs or wants should be important to him or her. Some examples: to get back together, to find love, to get divorced, to get married.

KEEP IT SIMPLE. In a given scene don’t keep adding elements. The less that’s happening, the more powerful it can often be. Let’s say the scene is about a job interview. A man walks into an HR department, only to discover his ex-girlfriend is the interviewer. Let’s say that things did not end well between them, but both still have feelings for each other. At this point, beginning writers (and improvisors) might introduce more to this scene. The police burst in. Jewels have been stolen. Someone is having a bachelor party down the hall and a stripper gets lost and wanders into the room. None of this is needed! The interview is quite enough. Trust your material. Play what you have. Don’t needlessly complicate things.

JUSTIFICATION. If you are going to introduce something in your story, you better be able to   justify it. Let’s say that you introduce a monster. You better have a really good reason for it being there. One that readers will accept. Even in comic books, there is an elaborate backstory as to how a character gained his super powers. Or why he (or she) is wearing what might otherwise seem like a very silly costume. The stranger the person or thing in a story, the more of a justification you need for including it.

There are other improv principles that might help your writing, but we’ll save those for another day. Till then, keep making it up as you go along.

Thanks to authors of A Doctor, And a Lawyer In A Rowboat. If you’re looking for a great book on Improv, this is it. And yes, it’s available on Amazon.

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Along these lines, is a new book called Writing Hard Stories, Celebrated Memoirists Who Shaped Art from Trauma, by Melanie Brooks. Brooks interviewed a number of writers who have written books about the darkest times in their lives. These include the deaths of partners, parents, siblings, children, as well as growing up with racism, sexual abuse and illness.

Some of the authors interviewed include Andre Dubus III, Sue William Silverman, Michael Patrick MacDonald, Joan Wickersham, and Kim Stafford.

Writing Hard Stories is about how these courageous men and women were able to survive their trauma and write about it. All of them struggled to tell their intensely personal stories. It took years before some were able to finally pen their books. A few had such difficulty confronting their ordeals directly, that they initially wrote their travails as novels before eventually turning to non-fiction. Whether you’re considering writing your own memoir or want to know how these acclaimed writers kept going through the crises in their lives, this book is well worth reading.

Here are a few quotes from some of the authors in Writing Hard Stories.

“We all need a way to express or make something out of experiences that otherwise have no meaning.” Abigail Thomas

“Tibetan Buddhists believe that eloquence is the telling of truth in such a way that it eases suffering…” Kate Bornstein

Though the experiences that these writers went through were harrowing, this book is not depressing. It’s about triumph over adversity. Each one of their stories is a real-life hero’s journey. These writers are shamans who have gone to the brink of death and returned to bestow the boons of their wisdom to their tribe. (That’s us.) Wounded healers, all.

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What kind of writer are you? It’s a question all writers get. People have a need to pin a label on a writer. That way they’ll know which file drawer to put him or her in. Let’s take a look at a few well-known writers and ask them the same question. First, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the man who created Sherlock Holmes. A mystery writer, right? Well, not exactly. Aside from creating the most famous detective in the world, Conan Doyle also created Professor Challenger. Never heard of him? He was a seminal science fiction character. He was also the literary ancestor of Indiana Jones and thousands of other fictional scientist/explorers. Professor Challenger appeared in short stories and novels, the most well-known being, The Lost World. It was made into a movie a number of times. It’s about Challenger’s discovery of a secret valley where dinosaurs still live. So, Conan Doyle was a mystery and science fiction writer. That’s pretty simple. Except it’s not accurate. Conan Doyle also wrote supernatural horror stories, historical novels, mainstream, non-fiction, true crime, romance, poetry, and what would now be called new age.

Let’s look at a more contemporary example, Ray Bradbury, author of The Martian Chronicles, and Fahrenheit 451. At one point, while he was still alive, his books had this slogan on them: “World’s Greatest Living Science Fiction Writer.” The only problem is that it wasn’t true. In fact, much of what Bradbury wrote was fantasy. He also wrote horror stories, suspense, mystery, mainstream, non- fiction, poetry and even children’s books.

Here’s another writer you may have heard of, Stephen King. Horror writer, right? Well, he does write horror, but does that make him a horror writer? Aside from Carrie, The Shining and others, he has also written mainstream, suspense, fantasy, non- fiction, mystery and crime stories.

One more writer, Isaac Asimov. Now, here we definitely have a science fiction writer. He’s the author of The Foundation series, The Galactic Empire series, the creator of the three laws of robotics. If ever there was a science fiction writer, it was Asimov. Uh, not so fast. Asimov also wrote mysteries, fantasy, non-fiction books about science, scholarly, annotated books, memoirs, even limericks.

This list of unclassifiable authors is by no means limited to the few writers I cited. So many writers who have become known for one type of subject, write about a variety of things. People like to categorize writers as if they were produce in a supermarket. The problem is that writers aren’t heads of lettuce. What kind of writer are you? The kind who writes.

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1. To succeed as a writer you must be really, really good.
   Not true. You just have to be professional and competent. There are plenty of mediocre writers making a great living.
2. Writers are born not made.
   Not true. I know of no baby writers. Writing requires much reading and plenty of life experience.
3. Almost no one can make a living at just writing.
   Not true. There are plenty of writers (often writing in a genre) who do very well financially. If you insist on only writing literary fiction, consider also teaching.
4. The best selling genre is mystery.
   It’s actually romance.
5. To be successful as a writer you need a lot of luck.
   Maybe. But I notice writers that are the most successful are usually also the most prolific.
6. In order to write a novel, you need a great idea.
   Not true. There is nothing new under the sun, it’s just the approach, handling, viewpoint and style that varies. What may seem like a very old idea in the right hands can be gold.
7. Ideas are hard to get.
   Not true. This is one of the most oft repeated myths. In fact, ideas are everywhere. An overheard conversation, a place, an object, an event, these are just a few of the many ways to find ideas.
8. It’s good to show your writing to friends and family.
   Not true. It’s a lousy idea. Only show your work to a professional writer or editor. No one else is qualified to know anything about writing.
9. In order to write you must have lots of free time.
   Not true. Many people write on their way to work, at night, on weekends, or during vacations.
10. Imitating another writer’s style is a bad way to learn to write.
    Not true. Many excellent writers began by imitating a writer they admired and then eventually found their own voice and style.

The above list contains only a fraction of the many myths about writing. Here’s one more: If you can write an email you can write a short story or novel. This is ridiculous. An email, whether personal or business, has nothing to do with dramatic structure, character, conflict, action or resolution. An email is a letter, not a story. If you can add, subtract and multiply, that does not make you an astrophysicist. I hope none of this is in any way discouraging. If you want to write… write! Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. As Walt Disney once said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” And that’s not a myth.

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OTTO BINDER, THE LIFE AND WORK OF A COMIC BOOK AND SCIENCE FICTION VISIONARY, by Bill Schelly. Schelly’s biography of writer, Otto Binder, is well worth reading. Binder wrote, (with his brother, Earl, and without him) ground breaking science fiction stories in the 1930s and 1940s.  These appeared in many pulp magazines including, Astounding, Startling Stories, and Thrilling Wonder Stories. (I love the names of the magazines.) His 1939 Adam Link story (and others featuring Link), was a first in the genre, a compassionate robot with human emotions. The original Outer Limits TV show did an adaptation of the Link stories in the 1960s, featuring Leonard Nimoy. The new Outer Limits show, in the 1990s did a remake of the earlier episode, also featuring Nimoy and directed by his son.

Despite writing these and many other SF short stories, Binder’s larger acclaim lies in his comic book work. This is incredible since his vast body of comic book writing (over three thousand stories) was published for decades without a byline! (In the early days of the industry, artists and writers seldom received credit.) It was only in the 1960s, through the persistent investigation of curious fans, that then led to press coverage, notably, articles in Roy Thomas’ magazine, Alter Ego (which is still being published, and better than ever), that Binder’s sizable contributions eventually came to light.

Captain Marvel, copyright DC comics

Otto Binder wrote hundreds of stories for the original Captain Marvel.  Captain Marvel was the superhero whose secret identity was young radio newscaster, Billy Batson. All Batson had to do to become Captain Marvel was to say the word, “Shazam.” This instantly transformed him into the muscular, red costumed, white caped, magic powered Marvel. In the 1940s, when Binder was writing the character, Captain Marvel was the most popular comic book in the world, selling a million copies a month, far surpassing Superman.

Binder’s work on one of the most iconic characters of comic’s Golden Age would alone have earned him a special place in pop culture history, but Binder went on to also write for comic’s Silver Age, in the 1950s and 1960s, creating such beloved characters as Supergirl, Bizarro and the Legion Of Super-Heroes. In addition to his comic book writing he also authored numerous science fiction novels and non-fiction books about science, astronomy, and U.F.O.s. While Schelly’s biography chronicles Binder’s considerable accomplishments, it also delves into his private life, including his long marriage, problems with alcohol and his personal tragedies. Often, Binder was experiencing very difficult daily challenges while writing his escapist fantasy stories for children. The contrast is quite poignant. This biography is a fascinating look at a prolific pioneer and the early years of the comic book business.

By the way, the forward to Schelly’s book is by Richard A. Lupoff, author of many fine SF and mystery novels, and co-editor, with Don Thompson, of an excellent collection of essays about comic books called, All In Color For A Dime. This book, originally published in 1970, contains eleven essays, by wonderful writers, about comics of the 1940s, and is a must read for anyone interested in the medium’s history.

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Wayne Stinnett‘s success story is not sexy. He’s not a young writer who became an overnight sensation with one novel. His books are not on the best seller list. He did not get a seven-figure advance from one of the big six New York publishers. His manuscript was not pulled from the slush pile of an influential agent to become the object of a bidding war between rival publishers. But Wayne Stinnett is a success none the less. Wayne is a full-time writer and the author of ten novels.

This is pretty amazing considering that, only a few years ago, Wayne was a full-time truck driver. How did this incredible transformation take place? Just plain hard work. (I told you this story wasn’t sexy). While still a truck driver, Wayne wrote a novel and self-published it as an ebook on Amazon Kindle. This book, Fallen Palm, the first in his Jesse McDermitt series, initially sold 23 copies. Then what happened? Wayne wrote another book, the second in the series. That one sold a little over 100 copies. Undeterred, and far from discouraged, Wayne continued writing. More books, including a prequel, followed and, with every book, his sales went up exponentially. Eventually, he was able to quit his job as a truck driver and focus all his time writing. This was the fulfillment of a lifelong dream.

Now Wayne can spend more time with his wife, his daughter, grandkids, and going out on the boat that his writing paid for. Wayne is not on the top of the publishing pyramid or the bottom; he’s living in the middle. Besides writing more novels in his adventure series, he is also hard at work on a non-fiction book about his experiences as a writer. Is Wayne a big success? I think he is. What is success? To many people success means doing what you love every day. It means turning your passion into your work. And getting paid for it is nice too. Wayne is happy and very grateful for what he’s achieved, and that’s more than a lot of people can say.

The Jesse McDermitt series, by Wayne Stinnett, is about an adventurer on a boat who goes after criminals and rights wrongs, fighting for the people who need his help. If this sounds a little like the Travis McGee series, by the late great John D. MacDonald, you wouldn’t be far off. Wayne cites MacDonald as his biggest influence and inspiration. Wayne has also started another series of thrillers, also set on the water, featuring a tough female government agent and martial arts master, named Charity Styles. Check out Wayne’s books at Amazon kindle and his website, Wayne Stinnett.com.

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I meet people all the time who say they want to write. Many of them don’t know where to start or even how to start. A lot of people are worried about “doing it wrong” or feel they can’t begin unless they get “permission.” They don’t know who they want permission from but they know that there must be someone out there who can give it to them.

All this comes from fear. Fear of failing, fear of being judged, criticized or rejected. These are very real and universal fears. Every writer has them to one extent or another. The problem is that these fears can stop many people from even writing a single word. The fears come from your inner critic. This critic is far worse than any friends, family, or even professional critic can be. This inner critic tells you that you’re no good, that you’re not a “real” writer, that there are more talented writers than you; that your chances of getting anywhere are a zillion to one, so why bother? And other similar negative messages.

What can you do about this critic? The first thing you need to know is that you’re not alone. Every writer has an inner critic. Some writers are better than others at shutting this critic up. How do you do that? It takes practice and a different way to approach the problem.

Here are a few things that might help you:

1. Don’t talk about your work with anyone before you write it. I mean anyone. No exceptions. I’ve had people ask me what I’m working on and I say, “I can’t tell you.” They sometimes say, “Why, are you afraid I’m going to steal your idea?” “No,” I say, “I’m afraid you’ll tell me how much you like it and then I won’t write it.” Talking about something you’re going to write is a great way to never actually write it.
2. After it’s written only show it to a friendly and kind professional editor or writer. No one else’s opinion matters. Do doctors show their work to plumbers for help and approval?

As far as actually getting started: find a safe place to write where you won’t be disturbed. That can be a private room, your favorite coffee shop, a library, a park bench anyplace where you feel comfortable. Once you find this place give yourself time to write. Do it at your own pace. And remember you don’t have to show your work to anyone. You are allowed to write for yourself alone if that’s what you want. Don’t be the judge and jury of your work. Your early efforts will be just that, early efforts. Be okay with that. Writing is like learning to play an instrument. You will not be ready to give concerts in only a few weeks. Be patient with yourself.

If you forget about money for a few minutes, think about the reasons you might motivate you to write. Here are a few:

1. It’s fun.
2. You have a story you really want to tell.
3. It gives you a sense of fulfillment.
4. You like researching a story.
5. It’s therapeutic and healing.
6. It makes you forget your problems.
7. It’s a way to escape.
8. It’s entertaining to you.
9. It teaches you about things.
10. It relaxes you.
11. It’s meditative.
12. You don’t know why.

You may have other reasons to add to the list, but you’ll notice that all these reasons to write are for you. Not one of the things on this list has to do with anyone but you. What’s not on the list:

To win love from someone else

To be liked and admired

To get compliments and praise

To get fans

Writing is like cooking. Imagine you’re alone and you want to eat dinner. You select your favorite foods and the ingredients that you like. You put in all your favorite spices. You cook everything and then it’s done and you are about to eat it. Unexpected guests arrive. You have some extra food so you offer it to them. They accept. Some like what you cooked and others don’t. But it doesn’t matter. You cooked it for yourself. You like it. If others do or don’t that’s their choice but it doesn’t change the fact that you cooked what you like. And you still like it.

Write for yourself first. If others like it that’s nice, but please yourself first. Not everyone will like what you write, but make sure that the most important person does. You.

How do you write? You start writing. Do it a lot so it becomes a habit. When that happens, each word will cease to have the monumental importance that it does now. This will take some of the pressure and stress out of the process. You will begin to understand that nothing you write is carved in stone. You can change anything at any time. Your writing is like your own personal friend and support group. It’s a safe place without judgement. Be gentle with yourself. Any place you start is the right place. There is no right or wrong way to do it.

If you don’t like what you write you can always tear it up or delete it. Or you can rewrite it. Most writing requires lots of rewriting and revision. This is how everyone writes. We don’t necessarily get it right the first time. Keep at it. You’re in charge. Go ahead, start. Give yourself permission.

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What writer does Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Lee Child and Carl Hiassen name as a major influence? If you answered Louisa May Alcott you would be wrong.  In fact, John D. MacDonald has influenced generations of writers. Even his contemporaries such as Kurt Vonnegut admired his work.

MacDonald wrote at least 80 books, many of which were best sellers, but his greatest creation was the Travis McGee series. Each novel has a color in its title; The Girl In the Plain Brown Wrapper, A Tan and Sandy Silence, A Purple Place For Dying, The Quick Red Fox. MacDonald said that it was done as a mnemonic device to make sure readers did not accidentally buy the same book twice. There are 21 books in the Travis McGee series. the first one is The Deep Blue Goodbye.

If you have not read these novels I urge you to seek them out. It may be that MacDonald is not as well known to current readers because he refused to let these books (with a couple of exceptions) be made into movies or TV shows. Supposedly, there are plans afoot to change this.

MacDonald’s unforgettable character is Travis McGee, who lives on a houseboat, The Busted Flush, which he won in a poker game. Together with his friend, an economist named Myer (no last name, or is it no first name?) he retrieves stolen property, helps damsels in distress, and rights wrongs. Though he lives in Florida, the novels often take place in other locals. To be clear, these are not mysteries. There are no clues or suspects. These are suspense stories, filled with danger, beautiful women and villains who often turn out to be greedy businessmen. (Is that redundant?)

What sets these novels apart from other suspense series and have kept them in print for decades after John D.’s death, is the exceptional writing. MacDonald was a master at observing and commenting on modern life. He was writing about pollution and developers destroying Florida’s natural resources in the early 60’s, long before anyone had ever even heard the word ecology. MacDonald was also brilliant at writing characters. His people seem so real you feel as if you know them. His hero and the women in his life have real emotional depth, as do many of the other characters he encounters. And if that weren’t enough, MacDonald also knew how to tell a really exciting story, too.

In Travis McGee, you have a hero with a strong social conscience, who’s highly empathic, has an understanding of philosophy, morality, and if the situation called for it could protect himself in a fight. He’s a staunch defender of the downtrodden, the weak, the poor and the disenfranchised.  He is unafraid to take on the powerful and corrupt forces that seek to destroy him or his friends. There’s a reason that people don’t just like McGee (and MacDonald); they love him.

If you’re new to the Travis McGee novels, give them a try. But don’t expect a noir, brooding hero ala, Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe. Travis McGee is as bright as a sun-drenched Florida afternoon. But having said that, you will not be reading about a happy go lucky adventurer either. These stories are infused with an underlying sadness and existentialism about the human condition. Though it’s usually under the surface, Travis has seen and understands the fleetingness of life and the inevitability of death.  He knows the evil that people are capable of, but also the healing power of love as well as the importance of friendship and loyalty.  If you haven’t read these books in a while, consider picking one up again. It’s like spending a few hours with an old friend.

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I’ve read a lot of books on how to write fiction. Many take their theories from other books. Others are written by teachers who have not actually written fiction (using this logic I may write a book on how to be an astronaut). Still other books are written by writers who may write excellent fiction but are not as proficient at describing exactly how they do it. As you may have concluded, finding a good book on writing fiction is not easy, and, like so much of writing, it’s very subjective. The book you love might be one that someone else hates.

Now that all the disclaimers are out of the way, here are a few books that I would suggest to anyone who is serious, or getting serious about writing fiction.

The Art and Craft Of Story Telling, by Nancy Lamb. This book is an excellent introduction to writing for a beginning writer and also useful for a seasoned pro. Nancy touches on many of the basics including, plot, character, conflict, dialogue and theme. She has great examples of every subject and writes in a clear, concise, easy to understand style.

The Writer’s Journey, by Chistopher Vogler. This book is a beautiful analysis of the work of the legendary comparative mythologist, Joseph Campbell, and his elements of story structure, which he called, the hero’s journey. This theory eventually became the template for all Hollywood films. Agree with it or not, it’s important to be familiar with it. If you think it sounds too formulaic, consider the fact that while George Lucas was writing the script for the first Star Wars film, he frequently consulted with Joseph Campbell himself. When it came to writing, Campbell was Lucas’ real life Yoda.

Screenplay, by Syd Field. Though the book is about how to write film scripts, the three-act structure he diagrams is applicable to novels as well. The essence of a story is the three-act structure, a beginning, middle and end. Unless you are writing an “experimental” novel (which tosses structure out the window in favor of tedium) this is what you will be working with. Adapt it to fit your work. Like all blueprints, it is malleable and not written in stone. Take what you like and leave the rest. It’s one thing to break the rules it’s another not to know what they are.

Save the Cat, by Blake Snyder. It’s not often that someone comes along with a new way of looking at story structure. Blake was such a writer. Though his book is, like Screenplay, about how to write film scripts, his structure breakdowns are certainly transferrable to prose. His list of film genres is unique and brilliant. His theories are his own but are definitely useful to know.

I hope these books are helpful to you. But, like the warning that was written on a costume I had when I was a child, “This suit will not make you fly. Only Superman can do that.” Keep in mind that a book alone will not make you a writer. Becoming a good writer requires years of hard work. However, I think these books are a good place to start and are excellent reference works to return to whenever you need a refresher course. As Joseph Campbell might have said, “I hope you find the magic elixir you’re looking for.”

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I once heard the great novelist Tony Hillerman say that there are child prodigies in art and music but not in writing. That’s because learning to write takes life experience and years to master. As a long-time professional writer, I’ve seen the mistakes beginning writers make. I’ve also seen not so beginning writers make some of the same mistakes.  Learning to write takes time. Whether you do it with a teacher or by yourself, it’s a long haul.

Here are a few of the mistakes that beginning writers make. If you’re making them, don’t despair and be patient with yourself. Before learning to walk one must crawl. No one comes out of the womb with running shoes on. (That sounds painful).

Point of View

1. Viewpoint changes. Is your story being told in first person, third, or omniscient? Pick one and stick to it. Don’t start in omniscient and then change to third person in the next sentence or even the next paragraph.  (Yes, there are writers who do these things in stories and novels but they have been writing a long time and are very experienced. And even they sometimes have difficulty with point of view).

2. Tense changes. Is your story or novel being written in the past tense? Present tense?  Decide on one and stay with it.

3.  Dialogue that doesn’t advance the story, reveal character, relationships, or setting. This is extraneous, or small talk. A story is not like real life where people repeat themselves or take their time getting to the point (or sometimes never get to it).

Conflict

4. Lack of conflict. It is so! It is not! Without conflict your story just sits there. A parked car may be nice to look at, but it won’t take you anywhere.

5. Weak characters. Your main character(s) must have a need or goal and he or she must go after it. They cannot be passive. And their goals cannot be easily obtained. Also, your main character ought to be likable and sympathetic. There are writers who insist that it’s okay to write about an unlikable character. Maybe they can make it work but there has to be something that keeps the reader reading. You don’t want a reader to stop in the middle of your story or book because they don’t care what happens to your mean, rotten hero or heroine. (Yes, there are occasional exceptions such as anti-heroes and of course, Ebenezer Scrooge).

6. Too much background or description. Knowing what to put in and what to leave out is a skill in itself. Don’t fall in love with describing the furniture, clothes and curtains, unless this is really important to the story. Or for that matter, don’t give the entire history of a character at all once. (Literary novels are sometimes guilty of this). We are not writing in the nineteenth century before the invention of film, TV, and the internet. Readers want a good story and likable characters, not a home furnishing catalogue or biography.

7. Too much telling not enough showing. What this often-repeated writing axiom means is that prose writing is not a radio show where everything has to be told. (“Hey, what’re you doing with that gun? I bet you don’t have the guts to use it.”) Prose writing relies on the reader bringing their own intelligence to a scene.  Everything does not have to be told to them. For instance, instead of having the character say: “I bet you don’t have the guts to use it.” The character could make the observation, (“His hand was shaking. He was sweating. He licked his lips.”) Now, we as the reader get the idea that the gunman is nervous and maybe doesn’t have the guts to do it, but we are seeing it, not being told.

8. Confusing, contradictory or repetitive. Who’s talking? What’s going on now? Didn’t the writer say that happened earlier, but now the reader is learning that it didn’t. Haven’t we already been told this before? Or not?

9. All action, no characters. Car chases, monsters, spaceships and lots of things happening. But because there are no real characters in the story we couldn’t care less. Many special effects laden movies  have this problem, but it can just as easily happen in a story or novel.

10. All character, no action. The flip side of the previous one. Endless talk but no one ever does anything. A yawn fest.  Even in a play which is mostly dialogue the characters do things and events happen. (And yes, I have read Waiting for Godot).

Tricks and gimmicks

11. Stories that rely entirely on tricks and gimmicks such as, strange viewpoints (animals, objects), odd settings (inside video games, parallel dimensions) and surprise endings. These are often stories with no characters in it. It’s okay to have a surprise at the end, or to have talking animals or objects, be in a video game or another dimension, but make sure you have a real story and actual characters to go with it.

12. The story is too imitative of another story. Bring your own experience, emotions, loves and even hates into a story. It’s all right to be influenced by another writer when starting out, but look for those things that you know and care about. The very things you think will not be interesting to a reader might make a great story. I’ve heard beginning writers say that nothing ever happened in the small town where they grew up so they’ll write about a city they’ve never been to. Write about that town!  Don’t dismiss your own background and personal experience. Mine them for the gold they contain. The more of yourself that you put into your work, the more unique it will be. That’s what all the writers you admire did. Now go find your own voice. It’s within you.

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2. I want to write but I don’t have the time. Maybe if you’d get off that cell phone, quit checking your email 100 times a day, chatting with your friends, texting, playing video games or any number of other distractions, you might have the time. Many successful writers write in between caring for young children and having regular jobs. They write an hour here and there. They write early in the morning before work, or late at night. They write during winter and spring breaks, on weekends, in the summer. They come up with ways to arrange their time. You can too. If you really want to.

3. I’ll tell you my idea, then you write it and we’ll split the money. Really? So, let me get this straight, you’ll give me one idea, which will take you maybe thirty seconds or a minute to convey, then I will spend the next eight to ten months, putting in hundreds of hours of writing and rewriting a novel and then I’m supposed to give you half of any money I receive for all my hard work? Non-writers think a book is based upon an idea that is so hard to come by that finding one is like discovering a rare diamond. The truth is that ideas are more like blueberries. They’re everywhere and easy to pick. Every writer I’ve ever known has more than enough ideas of their own. They don’t want or need anyone else’s. The idea is only the starting point, the real work, is the actual writing.

4. What name do you write under? This is a round-about way of saying, “I’ve never heard of you.” The reality is that there are only a handful of extremely well known, living, brand name writers at any given time that most people have heard of. However, having said that, there are many, many, lesser known writers who write excellent books which are very much worth reading.

5.  Can you give me the name of your agent? No. To ask this of someone you don’t know is a bit like asking if you can sleep with their spouse or lover. An agent is a very private, very sacred person to most writers. It’s not at all like recommending a good foot doctor or dermatologist. (And don’t tell me your podiatrist is sacred to you).

6. Can you read my novel or stories? This is a faux pas. First, there are legal concerns. No writer wants to be accused of unconsciously using something he or she has read. Second, it’s time consuming and writers use their time to write. Third, it’s presumptuous. A writer is not a teacher or a charity worker. There are professional editors you can hire that will read your work for a fee and help you fix, rewrite, or revise.

7. I don’t like the genre you write in. As in, ”I never read, mysteries, science fiction, fantasy, romance, literary, thrillers, horror, suspense, westerns, chick lit, mainstream, etc.” This is not only extremely rude, its snobbery and literary elitism at its very worst. To condemn an entire genre is ludicrous. Plus, each genre has dozens of sub categories and hundreds of writers in each one. To dismiss them all, sight unseen, reveals a special kind of prejudice and ignorance. I’ve met a number of people over the years who claim that they only read dead white European writers of the last century or earlier. Since these writers are not currently very prolific, it usually turns out that the claimant does not read at all. Or reads the same few ‘classics’ over and over again.

8. What is the new book you’re writing about? No writer wants to discuss a work in progress. It dissipates the idea and it disturbs the creative process.

9. Let me tell you about the book I’m writing. Please don’t. For legal and aesthetic reasons.

10. How is your book or books selling? This is sometimes followed with or prefaced by, how much are your advances, or royalties? This is no one’s business. Would the same person walk up to doctors, lawyers, engineers, accountants or executives and ask them how much they’re being paid? Unlikely, but some people they feel that writers are fair game. They aren’t.

THINGS TO SAY TO A WRITER YOU’VE JUST MET

1. I love your work.

2. I really, really love your work.

3. I can’t wait to buy your next book.

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1. Write what you love.  It’s been said many times before but is worth repeating.  Pick subjects, characters, places, that you love and write about them. Also pick genres you like. Don’t force yourself to write something because you think it might have a better chance of selling. The more you love your book the more readers will too.
2. Forget about the market. Easy to say and hard to do. If you keep thinking about everything else that’s out there it will only make you freeze up. It doesn’t matter what’s selling now. That changes all the time.
3. Stop caring what other people think of your work. That is very difficult to do but nobody said any of this was easy. Are you writing to please other people? Or are you writing to please yourself figuring that by pleasing yourself eventually other people will also be pleased? This is the challenge.
4. Write for fun. Write for the sheer enjoyment of it. But wait, you say, I’m trying to turn this into a business. And your point is? Isn’t the whole idea that a reader of your books is supposed to enjoy him or herself? Well, then, why should your reader be entitled to have fun but not you, the writer of the book? If you don’t have fun writing it, no one will have fun reading it.
5. Write a lot and often. If writing is a constant habit then it will no longer seem so monumentally important, something that you have to do perfectly. Also, if you can, write your first draft quickly. That will help you get your ideas, thoughts and feelings down, and take some of the stress out of the writing process.
6. Stop worrying about succeeding. What kind of crazy advice is that? It’s actually Zen advice. The less you care about hitting your target, the more likely it’ll be that you’ll hit it. If you don’t care if you’re going to be published you’ll be surprised how freeing that is. Also, leave open the idea of self-publishing your work. That’s total freedom. Think about the writing itself not what you will or won’t do with it after it’s finished.
7. Stop judging yourself. You can be the worst critic in the world. Shut off that part of your mind. Look at small children drawing with crayons. They don’t rate their own drawings, they just draw. Aspire to be like the child you used to be.
8. Stop comparing your writing to other people’s writing. There will always be people who write better or worse than you. (Though ultimately, it’s all subjective). You are you, not anyone else. Forget about them, and concentrate on you. The more you write, the more you will find your own unique voice and style.
9. Write what you like to read. What type of novel excites you and keeps you turning the pages? A love story, a mystery, a fantasy, science fiction, historical, mainstream, literary? Or something else. That’s the one to write.
10. Don’t talk about your story with anyone before or during the writing process. If you talk about your story it will dissipate and vanish. Just write it. Then you can talk about it, but be careful who you speak to. Stay away from anyone who’s negative about you or your writing. Surround yourself with positive, supportive and encouraging people.
11. Don’t show your work to anyone except a professional editor or another writer who has more knowledge and expertise than you and is willing to give you constructive help. Don’t let your non-writer friends, family, or anyone else see your work. They are not qualified to judge your writing and will not be able to help you edit or fix any problems you may be having and they may end up discouraging you.
12. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Writing is like raising a child. You must be patient, loving, and nurturing toward it.

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Have you ever wondered how cartoonists come up with new ideas all the time? Some of them may have had a little help. Helene Parsons is one of those unseen and uncredited helpers. Helene has ghost written for many single panel syndicated and magazine cartoonists. She’s written for such panels as Dennis the Menace, The Lockhorns, and Bliss. She’s also written cartoons that have appeared in such publications as The New Yorker, Harvard Business Review, The Wall Street Journal, Barron’s, and The Reader’s Digest.

Helene has been writing cartoons for 18 years and has just started a blog. This is great news for anyone who’s interested in how to write and sell cartoons. Whether you’re just starting out or are  a seasoned veteran, Helene says she’ll have helpful insights into the world of cartoons from her unique perspective. But you don’t have to be a cartoonist or writer to appreciate her blog. In addition to her practical advice, Helene will also be writing about her creative process as well as telling behind the scenes stories of working in this very odd and wonderful business. So check out her brand new weekly blog now, before it goes viral!  http://cartoongags.blogspot.com/

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Stephen with his former boss, May 2015

You may not know Stephen Winer’s name but you definitely know some of the people (and shows) he’s written for. Winer was a writer for David Letterman, Dick Van Dyke, The New Mickey Mouse Club, and stand-up comedian, Robert Klein, among others.

Winer (along with Karl Tiedemann) co-wrote and directed the cult classic short film, King of The Zs, which is a hilarious look at a fictional movie studio of the 1930s and 1940s that made the worst B pictures in history. This film has been a favorite at film festivals for years (particularly the Telluride festival). If you haven’t seen this comedy gem I urge you to seek it out. It can be seen on YouTube. King of The Zs, is the film that led to Winer getting the job writing for Letterman.

Lately, Winer has been involved with a variety of projects, but the one that caught my attention was his serious writing for the Criterion Collection website. (Criterion releases classic films on DVD.) It turns out that Winer’s serious writing is as good as his comedy work. Not only does Winer have an encyclopedic (or Wikipedic) knowledge of film, but he also has plenty of behind the scenes stories and great insights. I was particularly taken with his article on Charlie Chaplin’s metamorphosis from a slapstick clown to a fully realized comedic and dramatic actor. In another piece, Winer makes some excellent observations on another silent comedian, the legendary Harold Lloyd. At one time Lloyd was as popular and successful as Chaplin, yet today is largely forgotten. Never the less, Lloyd’s great silent films, such as Speedy and The Freshman, still have the power to thrill, entertain and yes, make audiences laugh almost a hundred years after their completion. I’ve watched these wonderful films with contemporary audiences, many of whom had never seen any silent films, and heard the very real laughter that they engendered. Winer’s analysis of Llyod’s work is nothing short of scholarly, yet written in a very a breezy, accessible style. Also check out the article he wrote on the classic Frank Capra film that created and defined the screwball comedy, It Happened One Night; and his love letter to another comedy classic of a later era, It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad World. (Did I leave out a “Mad?” Or put in one too many?)

If you go to the Criterion Collection website be sure to read the piece Winer wrote about his late father, playwright and television writer, Elihu Winer. This is a wonderful and touching essay about Elihu’s friendship, (mostly through letters) with fellow writer, John D.Voelker. Voelker was an author whose most well-known novel became the basis for the film, Anatomy of a Murder. Subsequent to the film, Elihu collaborated with Voekler to write the script for the play. Winer’s essay is about the friendship of these two excellent writers. In one of the letters, Elihu mentions a TV play he wrote that featured an amiable actor named Ronald Reagan. Elihu liked this actor and found him easy to work with, though Elihu had some difficulty adjusting, some years later, when the man got into a different line of work. A smart publisher ought to collect all these articles by Winer (and others he has no doubt yet to post) and publish them in a book. As the kids today put it, “I’m just saying.”

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